04 November 2012

To Be or Not To Be

 
Photo Credit: Justin Call
 
My mind has not rested easy for some time now. I tried to ignore the constant promptings out of selfishness. I am a top notch excuse maker. As I mentioned last week the tax commission called me two weeks ago. My decisions were not made out of fear, shame, or evasion. Rather the call served as a wake up call. Everything is fine on the tax level. No issues there. I decided to fly under the radar because the money I made was a pittance, not even worth the price of a business license. Bad thinking but still it was my line of thinking. I had the opportunity to make my Apple Green Photography business totally legit with an LLC this week. I honestly felt like I was staring at a fork in the road: to be an amazing photographer part time or to be a full time mom. It is so hard to do photography part time. Most folks do not understand the amount of time it takes to set up, clean up, download, process, edit, post online, blog, order, make props, etc. Shoot. It is crazy! And I LOVE it all. I would jump on the professional photographer boat in a heartbeat. I honestly believe I finally found my niche. My dream as a young girl was to work with newborns. As a photographer I can pose and capture those fleeting newborn moments, hold, snuggle, and mold those little ones.
 
Thursday my amazing friend Kelly, a professional photographer, sent me an email. Her gist was that it is not fair to just do photography for fun at a fraction of the cost. It demeans my product and puts folks like her at a disadvantage. I took her advise to heart. For months and months now the Lord has prompted me time and again to put my dreams on hold for the sake of my family. Between the tax commission, Kelly, and the fork in the road it was time to make my decision. I regret to say I made my decision suddenly with no consultation with Justin. I was afraid that if I did not make my decision public that I would flounder and keep going. So my business will close 31 Dec 2012. One day it will reopen but not for the foreseeable future. I hope Kelly will let me assist her just to keep my skills fresh. I know my kids WILL let me (bribe) them into taking more photos than necessary just for the heck of it. Watch out...Kelly one day our playing field will be fair. We will be famous! LOL.
 
My decision was spurned by a moment of frustration. I was sitting at my computer editing a session. Phillip was sitting next to me watching Go Diego. He pressed a key on my keyboard and closed the photo I was working on, erasing 8 minutes of work. I smacked his little hand and pushed him back into his chair. It was one of those moments when the anvil smashes into your head. "What the heck am I doing?" I realized and processed that I do not want my little son to remember me sitting at my computer protecting my precious photos that were more important to me than he was. I am not saying that every moment of every day is like this. But lately as the holiday season brings more sessions for Christmas cards and such the crush made my family time sparse. Phillip started hitting, pushing, and biting more in the past two weeks. I cannot say it is because he is ignored for 30 minutes here and 40 minutes there, while watching TV or playing. This time in our life is ever so fleeting. I would rather snuggle my kids, play with my kids, have a tidier home, and bring our family focus back to the basics then excel at photography. Hard decision but the right one.
 
Justin and I discussed and will realize a new plan of action starting today. The time has come! Hooray. I feel relief and excitement for the future. We will make our home the best we can full of love, compassion, fun, and most importantly...the Lord. I cannot wait to see how things will change for the better. The longer I live the more I see that a simple life is the best life. The simple life is living to love and loving to serve. Wish us the best as we embark on our newest journey in life.

Black Thumb

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Thursday night/Friday morning Justin woke up to a bad case of the flu. He made an awful mess in the bathroom. Gross. He slept most of Friday. Now he is developing a nasty sinus infection. Poor guy. Saturday he got some yard work done and helped me with the kids in between naps. He made a fun leaf/grass pile in the back of his truck that the kids enjoyed jumping in. Alison and I helped eight 8 year old girls sew some American Girl sleeping bags for a birthday party. We had a blast helping the girls sew something, most for the first time. The girls made other crafts while they waited for a turn in the sewing room. I think that was the best birthday party idea ever! Justin dropped of Amelia at the theater to watch The Lorax. Emma's mom and dad reserved the theater and invited the entire kindergarden to the movies! The kids paid for snacks but watched the movie for free. We watched Madagascar 3 that evening. The kids loved it.

Justin is slowly getting a little better. He stayed home from church. We are getting sister missionaries tomorrow for the first time...as far as I know. I am beyond excited. My friend Tabitha would be ever so receptive to Sister Missionaries. I think helping Tabitha learn the gospel could be the push I need to get my spiritual life back on par. Honestly, I was getting a bit lazy! It takes just as much work to fit in the spiritual as it does to keep the house clean, the kids happy, the husband cared for, and everything else in between. I had a bad habit form that spirituality just happens and stays. One more area to work on! In nursery 15 kids showed up today. I am no longer in nursery but stayed first hour to help out. As we got out of the van to go in the house I asked Phillip if his tummy was hungry he retorted, "No! mom, my shirt...hooongry." He tried to make a super hero fist using some black yarn from a hat I had half way crocheted. Grrrr. He called himself black thumb.

Trick or Treat

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Tuesday after school and piano Amelia and Phillip helped me pull the carrots out of the garden! We pulled about 40 pounds of carrots! Now I just need to clean, scrape, blanch, and freeze them. I love to make a quart baggie full and freeze the carrots for fast and healthy additions to stew, soups, and side dishes. Yum! The kids enjoyed digging in the empty garden getting dirty and dusty. I did too. One of my piano students decided to stop lessons for a while. Makes me sad to see a student quit.
 
Wednesday we had a great day. The boys and I enjoyed a fun hour at the park. I think we went most every day this week. Everett is getting better at circumnavigating the rough terrain. Alaina Gull hosted a potluck at her house before trick or treating. The kids helped me make pigs in a blanket for our contribution. Everett loved all the dogs over all the Gulls. One teenager was dressed up at Elmo, like a real Elmo, furry head covering and all. He enjoyed bonking into the Elmo dude. Everett soon caught on to the benefits of carrying his bucket to the door. He said "tank-u" after getting some candy. After getting a treat he'd plop down on the porch right there and eat a candy. Ella and Amelia went around to the houses together just like old times. They are so cute! Everett consumed a large amount of candy after the first four houses. We drove over to Mrs Hamling's (Amelia's teacher) home to trick or treat. She invited all her kids over to show off their costumes. Amelia was gushing over how much Mrs Hamling LOVED her costume. She adores her teacher. Amelia and I went to a couple houses around our neighborhood. At home we sorted the candy and then put it all away. Everett woke up at 1 am bouncing off the walls until about 3 am. He did not get any candy for two days after that. 

FHE: Carving Pumpkins

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Pumpkins!!! Pumpkins!! Pumpkins! Ewwww! The pumpkin guts were slimy and gross. Amelia gagged once. Phillip was obsessed with knicking sharp knives and trying to stab his pumpkin. Everett loved banging his pumpin with a spoon. Amelia bossed us around commanding us what to carve. We did not listen...much. I carved a pumpkin with the word "Boo" and a silly face on it. I also carved a face Amelia drew. Justin made a cyclops. We light up our pumpkins outside. The best was blowing out the candles. Fun times.

Leaves are Falling Down

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Usually we don't have much need to rake our lawn. In western Nebraska the wind is our rake. We actually had a small pile up enough for a small sized pile. The kids were prancing as I raked and made the pile "fuffy." We enjoyed getting leaves in our pants, socks, shirts, and hair. Everett joined the fun once the leaves were almost all bits and pieces. He thought throwing his dinky and the leaves at the same time was the best idea in the world. I love those moments with the kids!