A Day (or two) in the Life of a Toddler

8:00 wake up screaming, yell "Salad!!" when mom comes in, and make pig noises
8:10 strip off PJs and diaper, strategically place diaper in a place Mom will step on it, she makes crazy noises when she actually steps on wet diapers
8:15 demand Spaghetti O's for breakfast, give up and instead pour yourself a bowl a cereal, keep pouring cereal until the entire bag is empty. Squat naked on the table to eat breakfast. Scream because the cereal sticks to your feet
8:20 make strawberry milk...aka fill cup with powder then lick the powder scoop.
8:30 pull all pants and shirts out of drawers in search for the perfect outfit. Choose two pants, three socks, undies, and a tutu. Shirt is optional
8:40 jump on Mom's newly made bed, hide naked bum in the pillows
8:50 strip off clothes again, pee on carpet, cry because Elsa undies are wet
9:00-9:30 Mom takes a break, let's toddler watch Peppa Pig or Bubble Guppies
9:35 fill 20 cups with water from the kitchen faucet. Watch in fascination as you carefully pour water onto the floor
9:45 squat naked (again) on counter and beg for marshmallows or apple sauce packets
10:00 run outside squealing like a pig, mom chases you because you are naked and it is 40 degrees outside.
10:10 back outside with clothes on, throw rocks at gutter but really you are trying to hit cars as they pass
10:15 sing Wheels on the Bus 20 times as the bus parks on the street
10:20 give mom sweet kisses as you pretend to go to work, wave bye, and give more hugs. Mom loves this game
10:30 get a cheese snack, eat one bite and feed rest to the dog. Make sure to carry a new bowl of shredded cheese (or cottage cheese) to the living room and sprinkle carpet. Lick cheese off coffee table
10:45 get naked again, wag your tail for mom, it is invisible!
11:00 pester Everett while he is stuck in another dimension. Run off with his binder ring (which morphs him from dimensions). He cries because he is stuck in the wrong dimension. You laugh and run like a maniac until Everett cries. Pull his hair for good measure. You cry when mom puts you in timeout until you apologize.
11:20 turn your attention to the dog. Try to ride him like a horse. He hates this so you grab his collar. Vader drags you until you lose your grip.
11:35 yank baby's head off mom's breast while baby nurses. It is cool to watch milk spray into the air.
11:50 Dad is home for lunch, you are naked again. You shake your invisible tail and yell "Salad". Dad makes you a corn dog, you eat the ketchup and the hot dog, the corn part is for the dog. Don't worry regular hot dogs won't cut it. Spoon ketchup and ranch into your mouth. Cry because Dad won't take you to work in his amazing truck.
12:35 swing or spin for 20 minutes until Mom won't push you anymore, try to find worms and bugs in the yard
1:00-4:00 Mom tries to make you nap. You get a diaper change, strip off socks, pants, and sleep in just shirt. Mom reads you some books: wonder pets put the baby animals to bed, 5 times; Elsa book, 6 times; Quacking Time 1 time; Caillou Goes to the Doctor, 3 times. Throw a fit when it comes down to turning off the lamp and going to sleep. Mom fake sleeps...maybe...she sleeps as you poke her eyes, wiggle like a worm on a hook, until you fall asleep manipulating the legs of your favorite Ellie Binky. Wake up when mom puts you in crib, cry for 20 minutes then sleep for an hour.
4:00 wake up crying, stuff your pillow, blankets, and ellie in the corner of your crib. Jump in bed once mom comes to get you
4:10 act cranky until mom gives you the iPhone while she nurses baby and helps siblings with homework.
4:40 Try to dump fish food into the tank, mom catches you. While she is making dinner return to tank and catch the sick fish, try to stuff it in your pocket. Mom makes you put the crippled fish back. It limps along for a couple days and another few toddler catches before it dies.
4:50 Make yourself another cup of strawberry powder, eat a spoon of PB, smear PB on your legs and lick it off. Leg smearing makes it taste better.
5:00 Put random items in all mom's pots, bang pan lids with a fork, spill water on the floor, eat the rest of your lunch mom neglected to put away.
5:10 go outside with siblings, cry because they won't push your trike.
5:15 help mom make dinner by stabbing tomatoes or avocados with a butter knife
5:30 eat dinner, mostly feed it to the dog, and play with your food; ask for a snack 10 minutes after dinner is over
6:00 help mom with the dishes, unload silverware onto the floor, carry the spoons into the living room and hide them in the coffee table
6:30 play with the pretend food, dump all the bins of play food into one pile, jump on pile, sort items by color. Feed your baby doll some food.
6:50 dump bag of marshmallows, lay on the pile because it is soft and comfy, find a blanket and make yourself comfortable. Eat marshmallows.
7:00 get naked again, this time mom puts you in the bath. Pretend you are a bumble bee, splash until mom makes you stop. Pour water on the carpet. Drink all the bath water you can. Mom leaves to get you a clean towel, you pull all the hand towels and rugs into the bath with you. Cover yourself and surprise mom when she comes back
7:20 pretend to sleep on the coffee table, naked, with a blanket and the boppy pillow. Snore cause that is what mom and dad do
7:30 run as parents chase you since getting PJs on will mean going to bed. Dang! Mom put a safety pin on the zipper so you can't get naked again. Thwarted...just wait
7:45 sneak the iPhone and watch Peppa Pig, all the older kids crowd around, you move until they can't see
8:00 night snack, wait until you are in the room to demand a popsicle.
8:20 scripture and prayer time, you always find a reason to scream or cry...or make Everett cry
8:45 Mom or Dad puts you to bed. Repeat scene at naptime. Mom always falls asleep in the chair holding you. You softly pat her cheek and wuffle your toddler breath against her neck. Heaven.