To Be or Not To Be

 

Photo Credit: Justin Call

 

My mind has not rested easy for some time now. I tried to ignore the constant promptings out of selfishness. I am a top notch excuse maker. As I mentioned last week the tax commission called me two weeks ago. My decisions were not made out of fear, shame, or evasion. Rather the call served as a wake up call. Everything is fine on the tax level. No issues there. I decided to fly under the radar because the money I made was a pittance, not even worth the price of a business license. Bad thinking but still it was my line of thinking. I had the opportunity to make my Apple Green Photography business totally legit with an LLC this week. I honestly felt like I was staring at a fork in the road: to be an amazing photographer part time or to be a full time mom. It is so hard to do photography part time. Most folks do not understand the amount of time it takes to set up, clean up, download, process, edit, post online, blog, order, make props, etc. Shoot. It is crazy! And I LOVE it all. I would jump on the professional photographer boat in a heartbeat. I honestly believe I finally found my niche. My dream as a young girl was to work with newborns. As a photographer I can pose and capture those fleeting newborn moments, hold, snuggle, and mold those little ones.

 

Thursday my amazing friend Kelly, a professional photographer, sent me an email. Her gist was that it is not fair to just do photography for fun at a fraction of the cost. It demeans my product and puts folks like her at a disadvantage. I took her advise to heart. For months and months now the Lord has prompted me time and again to put my dreams on hold for the sake of my family. Between the tax commission, Kelly, and the fork in the road it was time to make my decision. I regret to say I made my decision suddenly with no consultation with Justin. I was afraid that if I did not make my decision public that I would flounder and keep going. So my business will close 31 Dec 2012. One day it will reopen but not for the foreseeable future. I hope Kelly will let me assist her just to keep my skills fresh. I know my kids WILL let me (bribe) them into taking more photos than necessary just for the heck of it. Watch out...Kelly one day our playing field will be fair. We will be famous! LOL.

 

My decision was spurned by a moment of frustration. I was sitting at my computer editing a session. Phillip was sitting next to me watching Go Diego. He pressed a key on my keyboard and closed the photo I was working on, erasing 8 minutes of work. I smacked his little hand and pushed him back into his chair. It was one of those moments when the anvil smashes into your head. "What the heck am I doing?" I realized and processed that I do not want my little son to remember me sitting at my computer protecting my precious photos that were more important to me than he was. I am not saying that every moment of every day is like this. But lately as the holiday season brings more sessions for Christmas cards and such the crush made my family time sparse. Phillip started hitting, pushing, and biting more in the past two weeks. I cannot say it is because he is ignored for 30 minutes here and 40 minutes there, while watching TV or playing. This time in our life is ever so fleeting. I would rather snuggle my kids, play with my kids, have a tidier home, and bring our family focus back to the basics then excel at photography. Hard decision but the right one.

 

Justin and I discussed and will realize a new plan of action starting today. The time has come! Hooray. I feel relief and excitement for the future. We will make our home the best we can full of love, compassion, fun, and most importantly...the Lord. I cannot wait to see how things will change for the better. The longer I live the more I see that a simple life is the best life. The simple life is living to love and loving to serve. Wish us the best as we embark on our newest journey in life.